~ for my twinsis Fausia ~

April started great. The decision to emigrate to Suriname. The news about me being appointed HR manager at the University. Wow, superb! The whole week I felt high. That weekend even a hot Caribbean Latin festival and as closure a get-together with my amazing cousins.

And then overnight, it changed. People criticizing my doing. Or accusing me for not being a good parent. My enthusiasm shut down. My legs were trembling, my heart pounding from anger, my head spinning around of all the planning, my body stressed out.

And then suddenly it hit me. If you’re on an amazing journey this happens to you. You come across people sabotaging your plans. And what for? Just because they don’t have the guts to do whatever you are doing: following your heart, your dreams. Jealous as shit! So, they come up with these principles, standards and values. You feel guilty, cause principles can be thick as walls. But let’s face it, are these really yours?

You’re the only one who knows how life can move you from one home to another, one family to another, one country to another. You may not choose each circumstance you face, but you definitely do choose how you respond. Hell yeah! And if you can’t break that wall, grab a ladder, climb it and look over that wall. See what’s behind and whether you will like it. That is being flexible, adapting to change. Just like nature that moves with earth’s cycles: adapting, renewing and continual re-creation. Look at your awakening as a process which isn’t happening overnight. You aren’t floating up, but drawing down new dimensions. Connecting finally with the mystery that is YOU!

It’s natural that you may feel tender at times. After all you’re learning to walk again, your heart balanced with your mind. So if people judge you, nod and let it pass. Be kind to yourself. After all you’re growing new roots.

The month ends with me standing on a rock-solid foundation. I’m efficient and organized, one power lady! I am ready for May, ending on a winning note rather than a whining one because I’m so bone-tired. Slowly, the pace picks up. I’m glad I’m ready for May, cause it’s going to be one hell of an awesome journey!