Out of the blue the enemy suddenly attacks my body. Putting me into a 24-hour feverish sleep. Kicking me into change, releasing physically what I no longer need. And somewhere deep down I know I have to get rid of something,…. but what? I feel weak and have run out of energy. So badly that my mom has to come to look after me. And again I’m that child wanting to be caressed and taken care of. Maybe it’s the moment to make up the balance; going to the final months of 2016. What has this year brought me so far? The last quarter of the year should be one of wrapping things up, finishing business, letting go of what isn’t important, keeping what is. With the solar eclipses and planets sizzling in heaven this September, especially Mercury (the planet of communication), there’s tension, misunderstandings and unpredictable stressful events happening. All you can do is lay low. For me it’s a time of going back and looking at the past from a different angle. And then….. it hit me. My whole life, since childhood, has been one of just giving without getting anything in return. I’ve been giving, giving and giving. I was the one climbing the mountains to shine the lantern for others, be the light for others as Granny would say. And yes indeed! Always caring for others with all my heart and soul, cheering up their day with my smile. Being the magnetic to others. But guys, you know how weary it can be after almost freaking 38 years! And all I wanna do is disappear in nature and be one with a tree or the flowing of the river.

I start crying, feeling used. I look at myself in the mirror and say: “okay and where do you draw the line? Come on girl, you do not have to go through that again. It’s up to you to say NO, NO and (thank you) NO! Let go of any emotional burden.”  Sense what is underneath, … add your heart, feel with your skin… sense with your being. Over the past I choose to leave a great deal behind. I left myself, I left relationships. I left my “double” full-time job. I even left a city that was my home for 28 years. None easy, but I felt freer and more aligned with who I am. In time, my heartbreak becomes an echo. Whispers that reminds me where I have been. I know I’m done when it says hello and is unable to attach. When I choose to see it and step away. And so I choose. I reclaim my fire. Pick a fight with my building contractor. Harvest only the fruits I want and what goes to compost. It’s really time to step into my own feminine power. A time of freedom, respect and love for myself. Me seeing for the first time the beauty of myself. Let go of the idea how something should be in my life. Instead visualize the quality why I am here. I start dancing as dancing gives me energy, helps me tune into myself, my own spirit, my creativity.

Slowly I’m grounding, feeling a green light of how I can open my heart to my dream. Meanwhile letting go of how my dream has to be. Let me be taken by surprises!! This year brought me integrity, introspection, wisdom. Now I know why all these Libra’s were crossing my path. Libra stands symbol for balance, honesty, justice and all kind of relations. Be in harmony and be in balance. Learn my lesson, move on, balance heaven and earth. Celebrate life. Release, release, forgive, bring light and love. Reconnect with myself. And I finally see the rainbows and colors I have created and are still creating. In one word I live life as if it were my last day! Cheers!!